I won’t let this burden bring me down.

I debated whether or not I should discuss this via the interweb, but then I realized that the best honesty comes from those who know you the least. Trust for me is a very sacred thing. I, like a child, take promises very seriously and sometimes I get overwhelmed when people fail to meet the expectations they themselves build for me.

We will call him Scumbag J. Scumbag J and I went to high school together, and then we went to college together. We dated three years, which turned rocky and went from on again to off again to on again. It was one of those intoxicating relationships, where we knew we loved each other, but the fighting was overwhelming. For whatever reason, in those three years - I was utterly faithful. Yeah, crazy right? I didn't want to be with anyone else because at that time I had the notion that things would work themselves out, and Scumbag J thought so as well. Or at least, that's what he made me believe. Ladies and gentlemen, please excuse my rambling - as this just happened two days ago and I myself am attempting to digest it.

I would like to add that I am an extremely strong person. I have an extremely strong personality and I don't take lying very well. Actually, I have a zero tolerance for it. But for the first time in my dating history - I have absolutely NO idea what to do with myself. And excessive booze consumption could lead to many bad things (including beer tears), and I'm not down for that.

Anyhoodles, on Friday as I was minding my own business, someone whom I've come to know is the gossip queen and knows everyones business tells me so kindly that Scumbag J slept with two people I thought were my friends. I usually have something to say, you see, I was given the gift of gab and use it quite well. I was speechless, my dear friends. Speechless. And of course, naturally -- because I am this way - I confronted the said Friend(s). And the friends of the said friend(s). And everyone confirmed (many with hesitation) that what I had heard was indeed correct. And so, I decide to text Scumbag J out of anger. And he freaks out. Switches his story five times, and well - gets to the root of things. He was with other people, while I sat at home like an angel hoping things would work out between us.

I'm cried out. I think I lost 10 lbs this weekend because food makes my head spin. I'm actually lost, and I am JJ. I DO NOT GET LOST. But alas, here I am. And well, now everyone knows. I dated the scumbag of all scumbags. And momentarily sobbing will continue.

*bows*