God Don't Like Ugly... Or Tourists.

I have been taking the metro alone since I was about 16 years old, and I have always known and respected the flow of human traffic - even when I was a "metro virgin". And I can tell you, it isn't rocket science to learn the flow of human traffic, simply by watching. One trip on the metro, and guaranteed you understand the ways of it all. If not - you're stupid. And unfortunately for us, Tourists are amongst the stupidest.

Stand right, walk left. Slow walk on the right, fast walking on the left. Never stand in front of the escalator or obliviously in the middle of the sidewalk. Never stand in front of the metro doors. NEVER TAKE UP TWO SEATS. And never, ever touch anyone on the metro.

Why is that so hard to understand? And what is so awesome about Cherry Blossoms? They're fucking trees people. Google it. Actually, I can even give you a helping hand. Here:



*deep breath*

And I'm just sayin'.. If one more husky Wisconsin family of four manhandles me on the metro this week, I'm flipping my shit.