I'm Sure We'll Meet Again

I debated for a REALLY long time where I should go from here. I mean, let's face it - I haven't touched this thing in weeks. Everyone had warned me that my Junior year would either drive me to insanity, or drive me to alcoholism. I was warned that my internet life would consequently zero down and I'd probably get to check my e-mail or facebook if I was lucky enough. But I thought - Hey heeey now.. I'm a COMM major, not a law student for gods sake. Calm down.

They were right.

And now that summer is here and I still have just about as much time as I did during my finals week, I realize that there isn't any point in hoping time will just magically appear. I'm taking summer classes, I have an internship and I have a job. Even my dog is becoming resentful due to my lack of appearance around the house. And it's sad. And what scares me is that I don't want to burn out in hopes of keeping this blog alive. I didn't live it up to it's potential, honestly. Personally, (and not to sound like a total noob), I feel like I could do great things as a writer, especially a blog writer -- if my heart and head were completely in it.

So, it is safe to say that I'll be saying goodbye to the blogging world for a while and twitter as well. That doesn't mean that I won't have days off in which I'll be reading blogs from start to finish. I definitely still try to, granted at 1am my mind isn't quite right in wrapping half these blogs around my head. But I like to catch up, and I like to chuckle and it's good to know that EVERYONE else can balance their time in order to help brighten my day, even if they weren't striving to brighten up my day personally.

And with that said, thank you loyal readers. And you'll see me back in this, whole-heart and all.. soon.

<3

If All Sins Came Together To Be One Thing It Would Be This Blind Date

"Where have you been!?" I've been asked. "Why aren't you blogging!?" is also another common one. Well, my 2 loyal readers. Here is why: Because school is eating me alive and I am hiding from quite possibly the worst blind date known to all humans. Oh, you want me to tell you the story? Okay.

In the past couple of weeks I've been hassled that it is time to set forth and enjoy the years I have to come. I have been told that while heartbreak tends to be inevitable, there is no time like today to grasp the fish that are in the sea or some other rendition of "getoffyourassandgetoutthere" type thing. So, naturally, I said - "Alright, set me up" but I also added the tidbit of "Get me stupid drunk first" in there. And so, they did. And at first, things were fun. He was cute, this guy. Always had a smile on his face and seemed to be having fun. Until, that is, Midnight hit and transformations began. Reliving this moment is giving me all the ills from the night. Should I do this in bullet form? I think so.

- He became ridiculously attached. As if we had been dating for years. If a guy smiled at me, he gave him the evil eye. It was WEIRD.
- He answered questions FOR me. I thought I was my own person? Wait. I don't even know you!?
- He decided that Vodka&Cranberry was my drink of choice. I hate Vodka. I kept giving my drink away, and a new one would arrive. I even told him I didn't like Vodka. His response? "Tonight you do."
- 4 beers was all it took for him to become nearly belligerent. And even more annoying, which I didn't know was possible.
- He told me that when we got married, he wanted me to be a stay at home mother. We hadn't even made it to first base and we're discussing marriage? No.
- Oh, we were also going to have three kids.
- A dog, too.
- "No one says no to me, girl. NO ONE."
- His attempt to make out with me was slamming me into a wall and grabbing my face. My reaction? A kick to the balls. HE SCARED ME.
- Since I was no good, he started making out with the drunkest girl there.

And then he proceeded to sit on a bar stool and pass out.

I didn't even know people like this actually existed. Seriously.

My Letter To The Month Of April

Dear April,

I am confused and overwhelmed with how you have surprisingly pulled the rug from right under me. I thought that was we had was real, but alas, I was proved wrong. You lured me in with the promises of many nights in which bad decisions were to be made, and drinking til feelings were no longer to be felt would ensue. Promises of the end of continuous hair-pulling due to school work and a shower of birthdays.

You have let me down in more ways than I should see in a lifetime.

You have confused me continuously with your bipolar antics in terms of weather, and then you just plain lied to me. 7 papers, 3 tests and countless quizzes? REALLY, APRIL? I thought we had a deal! I thought you would keep that in the months of March and May? April! We were suppose to double team this and party until our livers recoiled in disgust? Why did you back down? Why are you stressing me out and causing me anxiety? And why are you keeping me so busy that I can barely even use the computer?

I'm not sure we can be friends anymore, and no - not even with benefits. My excitement to get pants-shittingly drunk with you has no dwindled into a faded memory. "I'm Sorry" does not cut it this time, you have let me down.

And now, thanks to you, I must go and slave over two papers that were due on Monday.

Thank you for trying, but I must turn away from you. Please don't call me or e-mail me, there are no more words which can be shared between us. You have killed the flame, and it seems without remorse.

It's been real, April. But not real enough.

Sincerely,
Jj

TMI Thursdays: Bare Asses Need Public Humiliation, Too.

Ah yes, here we are. TMI Thursdays - brilliant. Thank LiLu for the craziness. Share your most humiliating, disgusting, grotesque, vomit-inducing, cringeful story - or just laugh at ours. Nevertheless, TMI THURSDAYS here we go!
--

Every female remembers their first drunk squat. You know what I'm talking about, when you're half past too drunk and you really have to pee. Like it just can not wait, so your friend suggests you pop a squat, and you're SO dang excited that you try - gripping air and wobbling, pulling at your pants so you don't get pee on them, giggling at the difficulty and releasing. Ah the pleasure, but oh the pain - when popping a squat goes wrong, eh?

We were at our senior beach week in good ol' Ocean City and we pretty much thought we were the shit. Had a sweet ass hotel room, ridiculous amount of alcohol, and every senior class you could think of was occupying a room in every beachfront hotel. It was like Cancun, only less crazy. A different type of crazy, I'd say. I always tell people - definitely go to OC for your beachweek, you will come back with stories. And they always do. This time being no different.

Between the haze of being drunk at 6pm, and the sun beating down on us - I felt the familiar tinkle that occurs down there. I had to pee, but I didn't want to break the seal. Not yet! I was on a roll! And to top if all off, the bathroom was a hell of a lot further then I realized. And if you've ever been to Ocean City, you know what I'm talking about. So, the trek began. My friends and I decided to walk towards the boardwalk, and see if we could get under it. Laughing too hard, stumbling everywhere, we found it. Everyone sat down - we were way too drunk to move any further. Some even decided to take naps. I, however, still really had to pee. So, I walked closer towards the shore and just popped a squat -- broad daylight, in front of everyone. And then, I was asleep.

I shit you not, I fell asleep. Well, I fell forward, ate a ton of sand, and then proceeded to fall asleep.

I woke up to someone poking me, or really something poking my bare ass. In confusion, I look up and it's a city cop. All of my friends were sitting in a circle trying not to giggle because they were in trouble, and I was the miserable chump with my ass in the air.

Did I mention we drew a crowd? Yeah. That pretty much set the mood for the rest of the week.

God Don't Like Ugly... Or Tourists.

I have been taking the metro alone since I was about 16 years old, and I have always known and respected the flow of human traffic - even when I was a "metro virgin". And I can tell you, it isn't rocket science to learn the flow of human traffic, simply by watching. One trip on the metro, and guaranteed you understand the ways of it all. If not - you're stupid. And unfortunately for us, Tourists are amongst the stupidest.

Stand right, walk left. Slow walk on the right, fast walking on the left. Never stand in front of the escalator or obliviously in the middle of the sidewalk. Never stand in front of the metro doors. NEVER TAKE UP TWO SEATS. And never, ever touch anyone on the metro.

Why is that so hard to understand? And what is so awesome about Cherry Blossoms? They're fucking trees people. Google it. Actually, I can even give you a helping hand. Here:



*deep breath*

And I'm just sayin'.. If one more husky Wisconsin family of four manhandles me on the metro this week, I'm flipping my shit.

But I thought we were friends?

So, maybe it's early in the week to share an embarrassing story - but you know what? Why not. You'll get a double dose.

When I first started getting internships over the summer, I was extremely passionate for the whole dressing up thing. Something about clanking down a sidewalk in killer heels and sexy ass skirt screamed "awesome" to me. I like to dress up in business attire, I think it's awesome. So much so, I think I probably turn myself on. Too much?
Unfortunately for me, I am not a morning person. I never have been, which is probably why I have developed the need for caffeine in my system every day of my life. My body is solely dependent on any dose of caffeine in the morning, afternoon and sometimes evening in order to survive. Coffee, Diet Coke, anything. I need it or I am Miss Cranky Pants and I hate your life. I'm telling you -- if I could inject it in my veins like a heroine addict, I'd be shooting up like it was my job.

Anyhoodles, I think my body is now rejecting caffeine. I kid you not. And it's devastating, I have no idea what to do with myself. This morning, I did my normal pit stop before class for a Venti Coffee. Black. Per usual. Except my body did something it never does before -- things started a rumblin' and coffee suddenly wasn't tasting as amazing as it usually does. And it took a second to realize that if I didn't throw this cup away and hurry to the bathroom, things that should not happen outside of your own four walls would ensue. I was in straight up panick mode at 8am this morning folkes, dead in the middle of campus. I mean, have you seen marylands campus? No?

Oh okay, this is it:

http://www.transportation.umd.edu/2008Map.pdf

Needless to say, I attempted to run to the nearest building and failed. I am 20 years old, folkes. And for a second I felt and looked like a 90 year old man that literally could not hold their personal fluids.

Dear Caffeine,

It's been real. We've had a long run. But I think we're going to have to take a break for a while. You have failed me and caused me immense amount of embarassment. I curse you and I'm saddened that you could do me so wrong. Don't take it personally, but I do. And that' just ain't cool. I thought we were close, I thought we had potential. I see you had other things planned. Thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,

JJ

Someecards Sunday!

Too Much? That's fine.

It's the truth. Last night I was told I was one of the most vulgar females anyone had ever met, and I actually take pride in that. My morals aren't exactly up to par with a lot of people that I know. I guess that makes me different. I mean, if you ever need advice - ask away. But chances of me being too blunt are a pre-warning.

But then again, who doesn't like it that way sometimes?

Confessions: Take 1

I'm actually rather sad that yesterday I wasn't able to participate in TMI Thursday, but really - it gave way for an awesome story for next week. *grins*

Anyway, I get these ridiculous sparks of inspiration while I walk my dog, and I think to myself - now that would make a fantastic post. And then I sit in front of my laptop and completely draw a blank on what I was going to say, or better yet - how I was going to say it. Ah well, let us roll with the punches, shall we? I'm probably going to do this often, and you're more than welcome to participate - I'm calling it confessions. Things you don't realize or want to admit, but when you do it feels damn good? Mhm. Yeah.

I have always been the one in the relationship and I've been quite proud of that. Up until my heart gets broken, and then I'm angry at the fact. But you know what? Let bygones be bygones, why dwell? Of course, it takes me a couple of months to realize that and then I bounce back and I'm okay. Or so, at least, I think I am. I've been in two major relationships. One of them sucked major ass and it isn't even worth mentioning, the other was my High School Sweetheart. He really was, in every sense of the word. The whole nine yards. We graduated together, we went to college together, we even transferred together. And somewhere in between that summer of "growing up" and the stresses of transferring to bigger schools - we had a falling out. And 2 year battle of falling out, actually. And I can honestly say that I had some fault in it. I became needy, and then I became distant. He became needy, and then he became distant. He and I were never on the same page anymore, and we both knew it wasn't going to end up working. But how do you break up with someone you're in love with but can't work with? Easy. You hit them below the belt. And well, that's what we ended up doing for an entire year. Messing each other up to give the other a valid reason to run. And even that, crazy as it may sound, didn't work. Until early this year when he hooked up with someone whom I thought was my friend. And he didn't even say I'm sorry. All he said was, "I'm content with how my life is now. Without you." And well, badabing - there ends the debacle.

I guess you could say that it took me a second to bounce back, but it doesn't hurt so bad anymore. I'm 20 years old, I'm young as hell. I've got many people to kiss/touch/whatever, and many nights to get drunk and make bad decisions before I settle down anyway. And I'm realizing that I've got many friends to make, many to lose and many decisions to cut down on.

But what's my confession with this entire scenario?

I am scared straight up almost dying out of my MIND. I am scared. I don't know what to do first, where to go, or who to turn to.

Well then... There you go.

Things I guess I should have said?

Happy April 1st and all that jazz. I'm not too big on pranks. Actually, I hate them a hell of a lot. You could say that I'm slightly traumatized. May so, I am a lot of the case in traumatized. So, I'm going to turn my cheek to you today, April Fools. And do this prompt:


We all have something we want to say to someone. Maybe it’s someone in your life now. Or, maybe it is something you wish you said to someone who is no longer in your life. It could even be Mr./Ms. Random Person that you saw in the local coffee shop today. What do you want to say that you were never able to?You can leave the person(s) identity anonymous, if you’d like. Feel free to feature more than one person. Do it in letter form or any form you prefer. Show us that creativity!


Stole this from Lilu who stole it from Twenty Something Bloggers. Being blessed with the gift of gab, I am often times stuck without words. And then I go home and recite all the things I wish I had said in the mirror, and I get angry. And then I drink a diet coke and I'm over it. But I never do forget those things I wish I had said to people, and here is my chance. Some are a bit much, I know. But there are no secrets here, right? Right. On then.
------------

Truly, I am amazed that you are married. And with child, no less. You were a terrible lover, and quite frankly - I feel bad for your wife. So, maybe we left things with many pieces. We said things that at the moment, you didn't mean. But I meant every word I said. And I don't even really feel bad. People say there is good in everyone. That is false. You were and are a bad person. I hope you one day change your ways.

I love you, a lot. I always have and I always will. But for the amount of effort I put into our friendship, you do a stank ass job. And sometimes, I resent you for this. You want everything to be your way, you call to complain, but you never lend an ear. I guess that's sort of why we live so far and only speak every so often. And I suppose that is why I never answer the phone anymore when you call - I simply text you back. Because you lack the recognition of a good friendship. And you take people for granted, and you put yourself back. I love you, a lot. But I want to associate myself with you less and less because you fall short of all you claim to be. Your goals are false, and you will settle for less - when you deserve that much more. And that, in truth, makes me a hell of a lot sad.

There are times when some friendships don't make it back. I know you're sorry, and I forgive you. But I don't forget - and I don't even miss you.

Your accusations made me rebel. Whenever I said I was at my best friends house, I really was. I was never a liar, and I never will be. But when you expected me to be at someone elses house, I was there. Just for you, just so you could feel better for yourself. I always thought you'd grow out of this, but at 20 years old - you smother me. And I'm counting down the days til I move three states away. I wish you'd stop before it's too late. You know, it isn't too late yet.

Thank you for always having my back and never asking questions. For never judging me, for always going with my excuses and smiling blindly. Thank you for never asking questions and standing in my way. Thank you.

I moved for you. I transferred for you. I went against all odds, lost many friends and dedicated myself to you. Did I mention that I was incredibly young? And I believed you when you said thank you. I believed you when you said you'd never do me wrong. But you ended up doing things I didn't think ANYONE was capable for. And now, I'm graduating a year later. And the thought of you makes my stomach flip - even to this day. I'm scared of running into you because I feel I may actually physically hurt you. And the day that I truly get over all of this, will be the day that I can say that I'm truly a grown up. And I truly believe in Karma.

I'm not trying to be your mom, I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.

I wish you didn't care so much about what other people thought of you. Maybe then, you wouldn't have so many fake friends and cry all the time. I wish you'd learn to just not give a damn. All these people you surround yourself with now more than likely won't be around when you need them. Step off your high horse already.

I'll never forgive you for introducing me to drugs. And I'll never forgive myself for falling into temptaton. But I do congratulate myself for getting out when I could. And I'm happy to be completely clean. You have no idea how stupid you really do look.

You were the worst first kiss of my life. I wonder who elses first kiss you ruined.

Thank you for stopping me. Thank you for bringing my back to reality. Thank you for showing me the truth. Thank you for never abandoning me. And most of all, even though I see you only once in a while - thank you for never changing our way. Talking to you every. single. day. since our freshman year in high school has had and will probably always have one of the most significant impacts of all my life. Thank you.

-----

Well, that fell fantastic. You should definitely give it a shot.

TMI Thursday: I am not a certified Gynecologist, but I play one on TV.

Yay. It's my favorite day of the week - thanks to Lilu. Probably because just like everyone else, some of the most ridiculous things happen in my life. So, prepare to gag or laugh. And do join in and humiliate yourself. It's the thing to do nowadays, in case you didn't get the memo.


----

Long ago when I had first graduated High School, I had decided that I wanted to hit the high road. Leave the stupid state of Maryland and venture on to a more exciting world. The likes of Florida suited me best, or at least I thought. So, when I turned 18 and was packing up to move - I had just gotten accepted to the University of Tampa - I was fucking excited. I thought I might actually pee myself. And I thought, yes, 3 girls - I'll definitely have friends! Because I was stuck in a Quad. And well, I guess I never did realize that colleges LIE about putting you with people that best fit your personality, etc. But I guess they tried.

A week in living in Florida - I hated it. My three other rooommates were nut cases. One was an alcoholic (like, a legitimate one. At 19 she was already in AA, twice, and relapsed - twice.) The other was a drug addict (Of course, pot was her choice. She said it got her through the day. Coke was only to party. What?) and Well, the third one was a small town girl from Nebraska who pretty much fucked anything that walked. Vagina, Penis, Both? She wanted you. She had you. It was just like that. Oh, did I mention she was engaged? And her fiance was fucking crazy? Mmh. Gosh, I was hating my life.

On a Wednsday night, while normal people were sleeping, my Nebraska roommate drunkingly wakes me up. Or really, she shoves me until I open my eyes and look at her bewildered. I was confused. Extremely confused. And she was drunk, and scared. And then she says something to me, that to this day, I still wonder - wtf?


"Jess. I'm so trashed. And I had sex with Richie. And the condom slipped off. And now its stuck in my va-jay. Please get it out."

I blinked twice and told her to go to bed. And she was not letting up. "NO IM BEING SERIOUS. IT'S STUCK IN THERE. I NEED YOU TO GET IT OUT." And then she starts crying. Saying that she MUST get it out because of Fiance was flying down to visit the next day, and what if he were to find it in her? Then what? Ah. And from living with her, and having met him before. I believe he could kill a man with his bare hands. So, I did what any solid, faithful roommate would have done. I played gyencologist for the night.

Before you judge, I felt bad - okay!? I didn't know what else to do with her. She was crying and sounded scared, and if you ever met her Fiance. HE'S A SCARY GUY! And well, I look back at this moment now and I wish I had been more clever and come up with a better idea, but I hadn't. It happened. And well, now it's a good story - right? Right. OKAY!!

3am on a Wednsday night, We venture to the 24 hours CVS. Grab some chopsticks (to get that sucker) and gloves (cause I wasn't touching ANYTHING with my bare hands) And some hand sanitizer. Oh, and you think I was going to go at this alone? No sir. I woke up my two other roommates and like a team we went on this mission. And this mission brought us a hell of a lot closer together. One held her legs up, the other a flash light, and I went in for the kill. 5 minutes later, a lot of going in and out of another females vagina - tons of giggling. There she was, in my hand, this girls used condom. And then I hopped in the shower and scrubbed myself until my skin felt raw.

And you know what? I ended up withdrawing from that ridiculous school during winter break and transferred the next semester. I never did come to find out what happened to those crazy girls, or if she ever did get another condom stuck in her. But I do hope that I got some big brownie points with the man upstairs. I'm just sayin'.

Well, look what the dog dragged in.

Spring is a-comin' and although the weather is less than perfect, I still get excited every so often to walk my dog. And I get even more excited that I don't have to put on ridiculous Paw-Tectors on her. And SHE gets even more excited because well... I take her on longer walks. Lets face it, folks. No one wants to brave the cold. I sure as hell don't. So, the walks are short. I'm sorry, Cassie. I love you anyway.

Anyhoodles, Today I was feeling ESPECIALLY nice and woke up relatively early, which means an even LONGER walk. Around the neighborhood, down the street and too many miles later. We are headed home. Stopping to sniff a lot, pee a little here, poop there. You know the deal. It's never different, but exciting nonetheless. Suddenly, she was EXTRA excited to get inside the house. I figured - ahh what the heck, maybe she's just tired. I sure am! And so half skipping to keep up with her, we got back.

As I am relaxing, Cassie is tugging and playing with something. Per usual, I'm thinking it is one of the many toys I've spoiled given her MANY toys. It's not big deal. But then she begins to cough, and shes choking. And folks, I don't know cpr on dogs. I didn't know until this point that if necessary, I'd have to perform it. And I can't see a dog hopeless. And here she is coughing, slamming on the floor, jumping all over me with this look in her eye. I am helpless and damn scared. And then something happened. She jumps off of me and does one mean cough. And then barks. And walks away. And the present she left me was well.. Okay. She was playing with a freakin' used Condom.

....

I stared. And then looked at her, happily jumping around. And then I stared at it again. I'm not sure if it was disgust, disbelief or what. But I couldn't move. My dog was choking on someones used Condom. No. No, my dog brought in a used Condom into my room! What the hell. And then I proceeded to chase her around the house out of anger. I then went on operation Get Condom Out. Suited in gloves and a bag, off it went. Into the trash. I don't know what the hell my neighbors are doing, but attempting to kill my dog via used Condom? That's not even cool.

Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself

I am a relatively nice, cuddly person. My personality is simply peppered with too much wit and sarcasm. Or a lot of wit and sarcasm. And I have anger issues. MAJOR anger more so towards the ignorant. I am small, but I am feisty. And I am perfectly okay with that.

But seriously, I fucking hate my neighbor.

She is the most ridiculous woman I have ever set eyes on ever. She is in her late 50s, maybe even pushing 60. Drives a Lexus SUV, wears clothing I don't even dare put on, and blasts P!nk and Katy Perry at retarded hours. This woman is having a late-life crisis, I think -- and she's taking the world down with her.

Let me paint a picture for you, folks.

Last night, I decided that I didn't want to drink. I was going to be DD (shocker). 3am rolls around, and after finally putting every in their safe havens - I head home. Finally making it home, I see that my crazy neighbor is in her driveway, dancing. She has the lights on, all of her windows from her car are down and as I get out of my car my ears are met with, "I kissed a girl and I likkkeddd itttt..." while this woman rocked her hips, hands flapping above her head. I was shocked. IT'S 3AM ON A THURSDAY LADY - WTF?

I stared for a second, contemplated what I should do next and figured that since it's a week day and someone around here HAS to be annoyed. I confronted her. I told her it was late and that she should probably put her music down. And she says to me, "Is Thursday a sacred day around here?"

And I replied with, "Not everyone is retired and having second thoughts about old age."

That'll teach her!

TMI Thursday - When keeping it real goes wrong.

It's that time again. Humiliate yourself, or revel in others humiliation. TMI Thursdays! Yay, thanks Lilu. ha.

I hate when people bring this story up because I turn bright red, even though I'm extremely tanned. And although that regretful night is long past gone, I still get the same feeling of wanting the floor to eat me right where I am. And usually, I just sort of start chanting "nanananan" while covering my ears as my friends laugh at my expense. It isn't very nice.

Whether or not you know this, you know this now. Jose Cuervo and I go back. WAY back. Jose is my PAL. He is my best friend and he got me through many many nights. He is also a bad friend, encouraging me to do bad things. Bad bad things. Bad things like attempt to rape someone and throw up everywhere right after. What?

*sigh* Here we go.

I love my friends, and I love to party with them. So, when the opportunity to get trashed on GWs campus was given - I jumped at the chance. Rich guys AND booze? I'm down. I am SO down. What began as meaningless beer consumption and rock band, turned into a full fledge - Icanoutdrinkyouwatchmegostupidfratboy. And there I was. Sitting at some strangers kitchen table. Going head to head on tequila shots. All 120 lbs of me, against this 200 lb frat boy with the alcohol capacity of a giant. But I was DETERMINED. I was going to WIN this. I am a PRO at Tequila for godsake. I WILL DRINK YOU UNDER THE TABLE! (all of these things I shouted.)

I'm not really sure what did it. It could have been shot number 8, or it could have been the cheers that I was still standing - that I had not given up. That I was indeed the woman of all woman. After every shot, it began to taste like water and I watched this frat boy wince and wince and wither away. I was winning! YES! But then things began to blur. And only bits and pieces were coming together. I remember having a heart to heart with this frat boy. I remember him telling me about his girlfriend he was going to propose to this summer. And then I remember throwing myself on him. In a drunken stupor did I think that attempting to rape a boy who was about to propse was hot? WTF was I thinking?

And then it happened. Beer tears. Flowing. Everywhere. Convulsing. I could not stop. All I kept saying was, "I am such a horrible person. I didn't mean to try to rape you. I don't know why I did that. I think you should call your fiance. I should call her. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry." Until he told me to stop apologizing. He was rather nice about the entire 5 second scenario. And then something awkward happened. This was, alas, right after I found out my boyfriend (or rather ex boyfriend) didn't feel the same way about me after three years. And so, I began to cry about not being wanted. About not ever getting proposed to.

And then I got angry. And folkes, angry drunk with me seems to be very different. What happened next is what makes me hate my life everyday.

I went into the bathroom, I shouted "IF NO ONE WANTS ME - THEN F*CK THEM!". I opened the bathroom cabinet under the sink. And proceeded to throw up in there. I casually got up, told them I had a present for them. And passed out.

I never did go back there, you know. But I did apologize via the ever so classy FB message. Jose, you are no longer my friend.

Job-a-hunting we go.

I'm not a fan of change, but I've reluctantly over the years I have given in and accepted that it is a part of life. Even more so is the case now. With Scumbag J slowly getting out of the picture, I've come to the conclusion that it is time for me to find a new job, get away from whatever drama surrounds him. Let it all go. You know? Yeah, I know.

And so, this week instead of awesome nights of getting wasted and sleeping in until two, the adult in me has kicked in and I have gone job hunting. And so far, it has been a disaster it makes me not want to get a new job.

I decided to grasp the opportunity given at Dish Bistro Lounge. Very cute through the website, very odd location if you live in the area. Actually going in? I was confused. The place was a little bit bigger than my very bedroom. The owner was a gay black man that got up and walked out in the MIDDLE of my interview to answer the phone! Without saying "excuse me" or even "hold on a second". No, of course not. Mid-freakin-sentence he just got up and answered his blaring phone.

What?

Anyway, there were 2 couches, 7 tables and a bar with 12 stools. You know, having someone walk out on you mid-interview I decided to survey the place. I wasn't really sure how this place worked or if they were even busy. Two minutes turned into fifteen minutes and I was flipping through the menu. $17 for BBQ chicken? Negative. Now, I was just annoyed. The little gay man comes in, apologies and continues to ask question - quite obviously uninterested in my responses. Halfway through one of my answers he comments that his head hurts and that I sound like a good candidate and he'll be calling me.

I don't want your job, weirdo.

I made it out alive.

I hate midterms, they take over my life. But I'm glad they're finally over and I can now relax for a week for nothingsness, possibly booze consumption. Whatever.

But of course, my week can't end just so plain jane. As a good citizen, I think I am getting my one ticket to heaven. How? This is how.

On Wednesday, I missed my midterm. WHAT THE? Well, on my way to class - I saw this freakin' idiot boy cornering a girl. She was crying. He was yelling. None of my business, I just want to get buy. Then he does something that jumpstarts the inner bitch in me. He kicks her. FULL OUT KICKS HER IN THE BABY MAKER. Folks, I kid you not - I did I 180. "Dude, WHAT THE FACK?". And off he goes, and down crumples this girl. I swear I thought I was being pranked. Does this shit just go down in hallways in colleges everywhere? Seriously?

Well, I wasn't just going to leave her there. And well.. she wasn't going to let me go either. This girl had the deathgrip on me and was sobbing. 2 hours, 3 cops and an ambulence ride later. Here I am sitting in the hospital room with a girl I met because she got kicked in the babymaker. What the fack. That's all I was thinking. How did I get myself in this? What in the world. But if it were me, I wouldn't want someone to just leave me there for like dead or something..

The girl was nice, I guess. She's okay - which is priority number 1. And I got excused from my exam for being a damn good person.

Weird shit happens, but don't worry.. mostly to me.

WORD.

We were all thinking it - he finally just said it.

This made my day :)

I won’t let this burden bring me down.

I debated whether or not I should discuss this via the interweb, but then I realized that the best honesty comes from those who know you the least. Trust for me is a very sacred thing. I, like a child, take promises very seriously and sometimes I get overwhelmed when people fail to meet the expectations they themselves build for me.

We will call him Scumbag J. Scumbag J and I went to high school together, and then we went to college together. We dated three years, which turned rocky and went from on again to off again to on again. It was one of those intoxicating relationships, where we knew we loved each other, but the fighting was overwhelming. For whatever reason, in those three years - I was utterly faithful. Yeah, crazy right? I didn't want to be with anyone else because at that time I had the notion that things would work themselves out, and Scumbag J thought so as well. Or at least, that's what he made me believe. Ladies and gentlemen, please excuse my rambling - as this just happened two days ago and I myself am attempting to digest it.

I would like to add that I am an extremely strong person. I have an extremely strong personality and I don't take lying very well. Actually, I have a zero tolerance for it. But for the first time in my dating history - I have absolutely NO idea what to do with myself. And excessive booze consumption could lead to many bad things (including beer tears), and I'm not down for that.

Anyhoodles, on Friday as I was minding my own business, someone whom I've come to know is the gossip queen and knows everyones business tells me so kindly that Scumbag J slept with two people I thought were my friends. I usually have something to say, you see, I was given the gift of gab and use it quite well. I was speechless, my dear friends. Speechless. And of course, naturally -- because I am this way - I confronted the said Friend(s). And the friends of the said friend(s). And everyone confirmed (many with hesitation) that what I had heard was indeed correct. And so, I decide to text Scumbag J out of anger. And he freaks out. Switches his story five times, and well - gets to the root of things. He was with other people, while I sat at home like an angel hoping things would work out between us.

I'm cried out. I think I lost 10 lbs this weekend because food makes my head spin. I'm actually lost, and I am JJ. I DO NOT GET LOST. But alas, here I am. And well, now everyone knows. I dated the scumbag of all scumbags. And momentarily sobbing will continue.

*bows*

The end is near.. or is it?

I'm young, I get it. But I swear I act like I'm thirty and I am completely okay with it. Today, while in class my professor told us we should make a list of things we've always wanted to do/people normally do before they hit the big 2-1. As if that were some type of ridiculous milestone. The problem is that I don't know. I simply do not know what I'm suppose to be relishing my days in before it nothing (that is normal) is illegal for me anymore. I don't bar hop (because I don't want a fake ID) and I don't really like clubs. But what a meaningless year this has been, I feel as if I'm getting older and have nothing to be all excited about accomplishing. Am I lame for this? I feel lame for this.

I blame my eversowonderful break up that has me all kinds of weird. I read and do homework. THAT'S IT. I am lame, oh my. Anyway, I decided I'd turn to the internet and somehow compile a list of 21 things to do before I turn 21. (Please don't judge). And I think I'm going to add to that list going on a blind date. HOW ABOUT THAT FOR STARTERS, EH?

Anyway, this is a short post. Do share ideas, suggestions, things you did.
:)

TMI Thursdays - Sex makes babies? WHAT!

Once again, thanks to LiLu I have decided to join the ranks in TMI Thursdays. Is it too late? Meh. But here we are.. and well, here we go.

None of us like the think that our parents have sex, at least I don't know a being that accepts that. I for one am a firm believer that my parents are still virgins, and that I just suddenly appeared on their doorstep. Call it juvenile, or what have you. Say that sex is a part of life, whatever. But just the mere thought of my parents getting it on is all kinds of wrong in my head. ALL KINDS OF WRONG.

And because I have some of the best luck known to man, I was proven WRONG on the implication that my parents don't have sex. And I was proven wrong at an age where projectile vomiting could accompany the knowledge (which it did). I would have cared to learn so in a different way, a gentler way, but god was not so kind.

The tender (or not so tender) age of sixteen is sacred to all females. We're beginning to date, some of us losing our virginity, experimenting with alcohol or whathave you. This particular night was no different. I remember being at a party, and I remember tasting vodka for the first time ever. And then it was my first extremely sloppy night. Immediately I phoned home to let my parents know that I was indeed sleeping over my best friends house. However, between the wee hours of midnight and 2 am (you know, young and sloppy) I decided that I preferred the comfort of my bed to that of the floor of some strangers house. After many phonecalls and pleading, I was dropped off at my house. Ladies and gents - what happened next, I hope no one ever experiences in their life.

I quietly open the door. Close it behind me. I hear squeaking. What is that noise? I'm drunk - whatever. I stumble slowly through the the foyer, looking for a light. Switch it on. ALAS, there they are. My parents.. in all of their nakedness.. getting down and dirty.. on the very couch I had spent endless nights staying up watching TV on.

And then I remember feeling woozy, and I threw up all that vodka on the floor. And refused to speak to my parents for an entire week.

Paw tectors saved my life

I love my dog. I really honestly do, even though I've only had her for a month. But she's cute and smart and I love her.

I, however, do not love (nor do I believe in) dressing up your pets. But of course, with my luck when I first got her - everyone wanted to buy her a cute shirt. She is a dog. SHE DOESN'T NEED SHIRTS! I don't believe in the bows, the shirts, the dresses, the sweaters and the sneaker. They're not cute. Your dog looks like a big asshole. Just.. I don't like them.

My dog, aside from being adorable, hates the cold. I'm talking about hate with a firey passion. Instead, she has begun to do her business INSIDE of the house because welll.. it's too dang cold and her paws don't like it. I was at my wits. I had no other way to turn. I had to conform and I was hating every minute of the realization.

ENTER: Paw Tectors.

These hideous things not only saved my sanity, but my carpeting as well. And although at first she looked absolutely nuts with these on, but she was also walking funny. She got the hang of it and did her business OUTSIDE! She even rolled in the snow.

*sigh*