I'm Sure We'll Meet Again

I debated for a REALLY long time where I should go from here. I mean, let's face it - I haven't touched this thing in weeks. Everyone had warned me that my Junior year would either drive me to insanity, or drive me to alcoholism. I was warned that my internet life would consequently zero down and I'd probably get to check my e-mail or facebook if I was lucky enough. But I thought - Hey heeey now.. I'm a COMM major, not a law student for gods sake. Calm down.

They were right.

And now that summer is here and I still have just about as much time as I did during my finals week, I realize that there isn't any point in hoping time will just magically appear. I'm taking summer classes, I have an internship and I have a job. Even my dog is becoming resentful due to my lack of appearance around the house. And it's sad. And what scares me is that I don't want to burn out in hopes of keeping this blog alive. I didn't live it up to it's potential, honestly. Personally, (and not to sound like a total noob), I feel like I could do great things as a writer, especially a blog writer -- if my heart and head were completely in it.

So, it is safe to say that I'll be saying goodbye to the blogging world for a while and twitter as well. That doesn't mean that I won't have days off in which I'll be reading blogs from start to finish. I definitely still try to, granted at 1am my mind isn't quite right in wrapping half these blogs around my head. But I like to catch up, and I like to chuckle and it's good to know that EVERYONE else can balance their time in order to help brighten my day, even if they weren't striving to brighten up my day personally.

And with that said, thank you loyal readers. And you'll see me back in this, whole-heart and all.. soon.

<3

If All Sins Came Together To Be One Thing It Would Be This Blind Date

"Where have you been!?" I've been asked. "Why aren't you blogging!?" is also another common one. Well, my 2 loyal readers. Here is why: Because school is eating me alive and I am hiding from quite possibly the worst blind date known to all humans. Oh, you want me to tell you the story? Okay.

In the past couple of weeks I've been hassled that it is time to set forth and enjoy the years I have to come. I have been told that while heartbreak tends to be inevitable, there is no time like today to grasp the fish that are in the sea or some other rendition of "getoffyourassandgetoutthere" type thing. So, naturally, I said - "Alright, set me up" but I also added the tidbit of "Get me stupid drunk first" in there. And so, they did. And at first, things were fun. He was cute, this guy. Always had a smile on his face and seemed to be having fun. Until, that is, Midnight hit and transformations began. Reliving this moment is giving me all the ills from the night. Should I do this in bullet form? I think so.

- He became ridiculously attached. As if we had been dating for years. If a guy smiled at me, he gave him the evil eye. It was WEIRD.
- He answered questions FOR me. I thought I was my own person? Wait. I don't even know you!?
- He decided that Vodka&Cranberry was my drink of choice. I hate Vodka. I kept giving my drink away, and a new one would arrive. I even told him I didn't like Vodka. His response? "Tonight you do."
- 4 beers was all it took for him to become nearly belligerent. And even more annoying, which I didn't know was possible.
- He told me that when we got married, he wanted me to be a stay at home mother. We hadn't even made it to first base and we're discussing marriage? No.
- Oh, we were also going to have three kids.
- A dog, too.
- "No one says no to me, girl. NO ONE."
- His attempt to make out with me was slamming me into a wall and grabbing my face. My reaction? A kick to the balls. HE SCARED ME.
- Since I was no good, he started making out with the drunkest girl there.

And then he proceeded to sit on a bar stool and pass out.

I didn't even know people like this actually existed. Seriously.

My Letter To The Month Of April

Dear April,

I am confused and overwhelmed with how you have surprisingly pulled the rug from right under me. I thought that was we had was real, but alas, I was proved wrong. You lured me in with the promises of many nights in which bad decisions were to be made, and drinking til feelings were no longer to be felt would ensue. Promises of the end of continuous hair-pulling due to school work and a shower of birthdays.

You have let me down in more ways than I should see in a lifetime.

You have confused me continuously with your bipolar antics in terms of weather, and then you just plain lied to me. 7 papers, 3 tests and countless quizzes? REALLY, APRIL? I thought we had a deal! I thought you would keep that in the months of March and May? April! We were suppose to double team this and party until our livers recoiled in disgust? Why did you back down? Why are you stressing me out and causing me anxiety? And why are you keeping me so busy that I can barely even use the computer?

I'm not sure we can be friends anymore, and no - not even with benefits. My excitement to get pants-shittingly drunk with you has no dwindled into a faded memory. "I'm Sorry" does not cut it this time, you have let me down.

And now, thanks to you, I must go and slave over two papers that were due on Monday.

Thank you for trying, but I must turn away from you. Please don't call me or e-mail me, there are no more words which can be shared between us. You have killed the flame, and it seems without remorse.

It's been real, April. But not real enough.

Sincerely,
Jj

TMI Thursdays: Bare Asses Need Public Humiliation, Too.

Ah yes, here we are. TMI Thursdays - brilliant. Thank LiLu for the craziness. Share your most humiliating, disgusting, grotesque, vomit-inducing, cringeful story - or just laugh at ours. Nevertheless, TMI THURSDAYS here we go!
--

Every female remembers their first drunk squat. You know what I'm talking about, when you're half past too drunk and you really have to pee. Like it just can not wait, so your friend suggests you pop a squat, and you're SO dang excited that you try - gripping air and wobbling, pulling at your pants so you don't get pee on them, giggling at the difficulty and releasing. Ah the pleasure, but oh the pain - when popping a squat goes wrong, eh?

We were at our senior beach week in good ol' Ocean City and we pretty much thought we were the shit. Had a sweet ass hotel room, ridiculous amount of alcohol, and every senior class you could think of was occupying a room in every beachfront hotel. It was like Cancun, only less crazy. A different type of crazy, I'd say. I always tell people - definitely go to OC for your beachweek, you will come back with stories. And they always do. This time being no different.

Between the haze of being drunk at 6pm, and the sun beating down on us - I felt the familiar tinkle that occurs down there. I had to pee, but I didn't want to break the seal. Not yet! I was on a roll! And to top if all off, the bathroom was a hell of a lot further then I realized. And if you've ever been to Ocean City, you know what I'm talking about. So, the trek began. My friends and I decided to walk towards the boardwalk, and see if we could get under it. Laughing too hard, stumbling everywhere, we found it. Everyone sat down - we were way too drunk to move any further. Some even decided to take naps. I, however, still really had to pee. So, I walked closer towards the shore and just popped a squat -- broad daylight, in front of everyone. And then, I was asleep.

I shit you not, I fell asleep. Well, I fell forward, ate a ton of sand, and then proceeded to fall asleep.

I woke up to someone poking me, or really something poking my bare ass. In confusion, I look up and it's a city cop. All of my friends were sitting in a circle trying not to giggle because they were in trouble, and I was the miserable chump with my ass in the air.

Did I mention we drew a crowd? Yeah. That pretty much set the mood for the rest of the week.

God Don't Like Ugly... Or Tourists.

I have been taking the metro alone since I was about 16 years old, and I have always known and respected the flow of human traffic - even when I was a "metro virgin". And I can tell you, it isn't rocket science to learn the flow of human traffic, simply by watching. One trip on the metro, and guaranteed you understand the ways of it all. If not - you're stupid. And unfortunately for us, Tourists are amongst the stupidest.

Stand right, walk left. Slow walk on the right, fast walking on the left. Never stand in front of the escalator or obliviously in the middle of the sidewalk. Never stand in front of the metro doors. NEVER TAKE UP TWO SEATS. And never, ever touch anyone on the metro.

Why is that so hard to understand? And what is so awesome about Cherry Blossoms? They're fucking trees people. Google it. Actually, I can even give you a helping hand. Here:



*deep breath*

And I'm just sayin'.. If one more husky Wisconsin family of four manhandles me on the metro this week, I'm flipping my shit.

But I thought we were friends?

So, maybe it's early in the week to share an embarrassing story - but you know what? Why not. You'll get a double dose.

When I first started getting internships over the summer, I was extremely passionate for the whole dressing up thing. Something about clanking down a sidewalk in killer heels and sexy ass skirt screamed "awesome" to me. I like to dress up in business attire, I think it's awesome. So much so, I think I probably turn myself on. Too much?
Unfortunately for me, I am not a morning person. I never have been, which is probably why I have developed the need for caffeine in my system every day of my life. My body is solely dependent on any dose of caffeine in the morning, afternoon and sometimes evening in order to survive. Coffee, Diet Coke, anything. I need it or I am Miss Cranky Pants and I hate your life. I'm telling you -- if I could inject it in my veins like a heroine addict, I'd be shooting up like it was my job.

Anyhoodles, I think my body is now rejecting caffeine. I kid you not. And it's devastating, I have no idea what to do with myself. This morning, I did my normal pit stop before class for a Venti Coffee. Black. Per usual. Except my body did something it never does before -- things started a rumblin' and coffee suddenly wasn't tasting as amazing as it usually does. And it took a second to realize that if I didn't throw this cup away and hurry to the bathroom, things that should not happen outside of your own four walls would ensue. I was in straight up panick mode at 8am this morning folkes, dead in the middle of campus. I mean, have you seen marylands campus? No?

Oh okay, this is it:

http://www.transportation.umd.edu/2008Map.pdf

Needless to say, I attempted to run to the nearest building and failed. I am 20 years old, folkes. And for a second I felt and looked like a 90 year old man that literally could not hold their personal fluids.

Dear Caffeine,

It's been real. We've had a long run. But I think we're going to have to take a break for a while. You have failed me and caused me immense amount of embarassment. I curse you and I'm saddened that you could do me so wrong. Don't take it personally, but I do. And that' just ain't cool. I thought we were close, I thought we had potential. I see you had other things planned. Thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,

JJ

Someecards Sunday!

Too Much? That's fine.

It's the truth. Last night I was told I was one of the most vulgar females anyone had ever met, and I actually take pride in that. My morals aren't exactly up to par with a lot of people that I know. I guess that makes me different. I mean, if you ever need advice - ask away. But chances of me being too blunt are a pre-warning.

But then again, who doesn't like it that way sometimes?